Death, I love you grandpa Larry

Death, many people would consider it a scary notion, a sense of peace, freedom from pain suffering and worldly stress, but for me last night walking in moments before my grandpa passed, grabbing his hand and seeing the struggle he was going through. I did not feel a sense of relief, I was not terrified, I was empty. I do not know what to think what to feel at the moment, I miss my grandpa. I want him back, I want to hear him call me Charlie again, I want to know he knew I was there, but these are all things that will and can never happen again.

Like many others in my position, my head is throbbing, my heart feels as if it has been ripped from my very body, and I feel as if everything going on around me is nothing but a bad dream. A dream that I just want someone to wake me up from, but some where deep inside of me I know it is real, slowly but surely the gray sky is changing into blue and one day even the sun will shine through.

I love you grandpa Larry and I know you would not want me to feel or be like this. I wish I could be out in the country sitting out on the porch looking for humming birds and just spending time and talking with you. I love you and I know you are in a better place. You were baptized and excepted Jesus into your heart and soul, and thank you so much for taking that giant step and excepting Jesus into your heart and soul. Without knowing Jesus and knowing that you excepted Jesus, I think this whole process would be even harder. Once again Grandpa I love you, I miss you, and it will take sometime but things will get better. I promise I will look after Grandma Elsie for you. Hugs and Kisses. Your Emy, aka Charlie.